Monday, October 11, 2010

Is it age?

All my life... I have been rather fearless in major decisions in my life... the schools I picked, the course I wanna do, my career choices, business decisions... I was never intimidated by "what-ifs"... I always thought to myself... This is what I want, I should have no regrets... And everytime I made up my mind, I never looked back...

But somehow, I'm no longer sure anymore... what happened to the gutsy me? How did I become so wishy-washy all of a sudden?

I guess as one grows older, mindset will change... In the past, I only need to think for myself... I was self-centred... I only need to find some solution that caters best to myself... Never thinking of how it will affect other people... Or rather, I was oblivious to how it will affect other people... My mum once told me she couldn't understand why I went to set up a retail store when I should be focusing on studies... Luckily, everything still turned out well and I didn't end up a school drop-out! I asked her why didn't she stop me... she said she tried but I paid no attention to her... and everyday, I was rushing in and out of home and she gave up trying to talk to me...

I don't think I'm more considerate now... but at least, I'm more conscious of the feelings of people around me... I'm afraid they will be disappointed, hurt or sad... and I don't want to do that to my loved ones... So yes, I'm willing to listen now... But because of this, I find myself taking much more time to make decisions... and I don't like it this way... It's tiring to keep thinking of the same thing over and over again ya? I guess I need to find a balance between pleasing everyone and being myself... something I'm still trying to figure out... someone please enlighten me if you already know how... ;)




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